So, here I am today. I tweaked my story, DR, and finally sent it out to two critters. Then I started reading through some journals and I thought that I should really put my own entry up. I've been thinking about it all week and it's been ten days since I've done one.

So here's what I've been thinking about revealing to y'all: Remember when, last fall, I said I had a secret that I wasn't willing to tell here yet? Well, I guess I'm ready. I'm tired of glossing over things here and not telling all. So here goes.

Last September, James and I finally decided to ditch the birth control pills. I was away in Kansas and we thought it was a good time to do that since you're supposed to wait about 3 months to get them out of your system. Only a few people know, my sister and a few friends. The ones I'm really keeping it a secret from (my mom and my in-laws) don't read this page anyway.

It's been a rough time since then. I've been used to very mild periods my whole life. I never understood girls in high school that would miss a week of school every month because their cramps were so bad. I had mild ones, but they would usually stop just after the flow started.

Since I've been off the pills, everything you can name that is a symptom of PMS, I've had it. For a couple of months I was in a depressed state nearly the entire month. My emotional life was a roller coaster of ups and downs. It's gotten a lot better, but I still have about two days a month that I don't want to do anything. I'd go around the house looking for stuff to do, but not wanting to do them. James would suggest things and I'd go, no I don't want to do that. Most of the time I'd stay in bed as long as possible or sit in front of the tv all day. This is the reason I gained 25 lbs. during the holidays instead of the usual 10-15.

The last two months I've had odd bladder pains instead of cramps, EXTREMELY sore breasts and frequent urination. Last months period was rather strange. I had a icky brown discharge 12 hours before the period started. (I'm sure you really wanted to know that, right)

The upside to all this is that my period has been on very regular 27 day schedule, until this month. Yup, I'm a day late. I just hope I'm not a day late and a dollar short, or a baby short in this case.

So, I've been doing some research, something I've tried not to much of do until I was almost absolutely sure the time is right. It seems as if all these problems are signs of pregnancy. I'm trying not to get my hopes up, but I'm sure I'll know by Monday. If it hasn't started by then, I'm going to see a nurse friend of mine that's been hoping I'd come in to see her ever since she found out we were trying. She'll run the test for me on Monday.

Part of me is hoping that it is, the other part hoping that I'm not pregnant. I just got started exercising and I seem to be on the path to losing the weight that I've tried for 5 years to get off. The other part of me says, but I've waited most of my life for this day, to have a child, waited nearly 7 years of marraige to even be able to get off the pills. My heart says it's time, my body says wait. ::sigh::

So, working on my story today was a nice distraction.

Since it's now Monday, I'm gonna post this puppy. Check out Monday's entry for more news!